Surrounding ads, the Queen of Talk was kind enough to provide us with a complete round-up of global events in pop-culture.
We knew about Bollywood, she presumed, but did we know about Nollywood? Oprah let us in on the secret of the “Julia Roberts of Africa” whose $6,500 dollar paycheck-per-film may not seem like a ton to us but was a LOT in Nigeria.
Um, we did know about Nollywood. And no, we do not need everyone to be compared to Julia Roberts for us Westerners to understand their cultural capital. Her name was Genevieve Nnaji, and Oprah showed some glam shots.
(Um, like this, but not that hot):
Not appropriate for Oprah. Photo Credit: Walter Chin, Sports Illustrated
Next, there was a quick roundup of the Daniel Craigs of other countries. Mikael Persbrant, the “Tom Cruise of Japan”–Hiroyuki Sonata. We could hear the midwestern hearts beating faster. Then Oprah had her own international hunk right up there on the stage with her!
Nacho Figueras, polo player and Ralph Lauren model hailing from Argentina played up all the stereotypes of a Latin Cassanova as he kissed Oprah’s hand and invited her out to a match.We wanted to say, “Can we get any more cheese on this, nacho?” Oh gosh, forgive us the pun. Oprah’s assistant, who had been conscripted to “learn how to play polo” made a worse one: “Nacho is a snack in America,” she observed. “But you’re a full meal.” Then she asked Figueras the weirdest question, perhaps, that we’ve ever heard on National TV:
“Did you want to become a polo player because of that shirt?”
He didn’t really know what to say.
Though, on second thought, maybe the answer was yes. Photo Credit: Getty Images
Onstage, Figueras kept trying to protest that he was just a “regular guy.” But it was hard to believe when he admitted you needed eight horses per player to get through a single match. He admitted he had a wife, a family.
Shucks.
Abhishek and Aishwarya were visibly disturbed by the intruder, who was a seat closer to Oprah. They flew all the way from India! And Figueras just flew over from his last modeling shoot in New York! Abisheck looked like he was clinging to the seat out of rage. Aishwarya was a saint. In mid-sentence Figueras looked over at her. “Wow, your eyes really are…”
Hehe. Figueras pretended to apologize to Abishek, who was cool as a cucumber. (It probably happens all the time, poor thing.)
She's wild & crazy! Photo Credit: FilmMagic
Fade to ad and another global roundup came up. We learned about Nancy Arjan, “The Britney Spears of the East.” Once again, Oprah tried to prove her fame via flashbulbs. “She can’t go anywhere without making a commotion.”Then we learned about Japan’s Beatles: “S.M.A.P.” who’ve produced 24 hit records.Then there was Norway’s Kurt Nilsen, who beat Kelly Clarkson in World Idol. Her choices felt arbitrary and dull. Still, everyone on the show will probably see a swift jump in sales…so no complaining.
For some reason, when she came back she asked Figueras “What’s a typical lunch for you?” His answer: “Uh…meat and pasta?” What a bizarre question. This man has a MIND, Oprah. A mind!
Still, it really was ludicrous that his mind was given so much more screen time than Abhishek’s. Oh well, you can’t ask the Queen of Talk to be democratic. She’s monarchy. And she’ll do things her way.
